A Lingering Cultural Shame: The Plight of Our Daughters

By Paul Inyang. Maryland. USA.

I watched a movie recently, that left me without any doubt—in pain and wondering very much about certain aspects of our culture. I would recommend the movie toeveryone—both women and especially men. It is a difficult but worthwhile watch. The title of the movie is “DRY”—written, acted and produced by Stephanie Linus. Its probably one of the best movies I have watched all year. Considering the subject matter, I would have expected the movie hall to be full but to my chagrin, they were probably seven (7) other people in the theatre with me. This story is riveting and it tore at my emotions and left me raw—considering, I have never met a movie I have not slept through. The story was about the origins of Vesicovaginal Fistula (VVF) in our culture, utilizing a very familiar cultural frame of reference.These are stories we would rather not tell ourselves because some of us still subscribe to vestiges of a culture that support the process that brings this plague about. Imagine that a 12 year old girl, is married off to a man, clearly in his fifties-sixties, with three other wives. Her “mother” willingly gives her away, to this man who cannot understand the sin in marrying a child much-less understanding that raping her is one of the worst sins he could commit on this earth. As a result, the girl becomes pregnant and is forced to have a baby (which dies) and the condition leaves her estranged from her community and an unrepentant and unforgiving society that also ostracizes her. Additionally, the very man that is the source of the trouble “returns” her to her family—who in turn (her father) reject her.

I hope I am not ruining the movie for others but these are just nuggets which at minimum gives you a glimpse into the thinking behind the movie, which is a rich depiction of real life story, that goes more in-depth than this. Only a Nigerian could have told the story. Sadly, though the story is based on the culture of the people in Northern Nigeria the practice is not limited or unique to this geographical area—it happens all over the country. So-much-so that what would be considered and is pedophilia is common practice—even some of our legislators are known to engage in it. There is a cruel mix of ignorance and total disregard to the humanity of women folk and children, who are robbed of their childhood and damaged at a tender age. Women in this condition often cannot control their bladder discharges and most are susceptible to septicemia and without surgery live a totally woeful life. All kinds of myths are attached to the condition ranging from witchcraft to adultery—all bogus. Wow, could this still be tolerated with no significant response from the government? Many of us see these things and look the other way very sure that because we are educated it would never happen to us.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have heard about VVF before but have never seen it up-close. I was left literally in tears, when I consider the sheer magnitude of the problem in our culture. It is almost like feeding the beast—everything is hush, hush. There are a few organizations that are offering help, like Nka Uforo Iban, a socio-cultural group in the Washington DC metropolitan area, USA. Most of the work is on treatment, as should be the case but that of awareness and education appears to be missing. I have asked and am yet to see any legislative agenda on such a critical subject. In the mean time, little girls are loosing their lives because of the uncontained and unchecked avarice of men who would rather maintain their culture and “religious” practices as barbaric and inhumane as it is. When does a culture out-live its relevance? Must we be stuck in the dark ages, when the rest of the world is moving unto bigger and better things. Yes, there are things we should never emulate but what is the redeeming characteristic in this particular aspect of our culture??? We must find a way to act on behalf of our children and our mothers. Those who are responsible for carrying out these dastardly act must be educated about the full impact of their egregious actions. There should be a good deterrent for these practices through the law. People who defile young children in the name of culture should go to jail. Beyond treating these women there should be an effort to sensitize our people. Jeez….it must come to an end. God help us all.

FORGIVENESS AND RESTORATION

Golda Micah 

August 15, 2015 

 

 

This week, God granted me the opportunity to watch the widely acclaimed play, JOSEPH, at the famous Sight and Sound Theaters. This is the largest faith-based live theater in the United States and anyone who has been there would understand why it carries the nickname "Christian Broadway". Such a person would also understand why Sight and Sound is fondly referred to as "the place where the Bible comes to life".

The play Joseph is a greatly remarkable story of interest, intrigue and meaning. Packed with emotion, it is difficult to see this play and not think about our relationship with one another and with God.  After suffering many major hazards in a short life time that seemed like eternity, Joseph's otherwise forgettable dream not only maintained value and newness but came to life in his lifetime.  For that dream to become a reality, Joseph became Zaphnath-Paaneah (a name given to him by Pharaoh), meaning "man to whom mysteries are revealed".  Eventually, he moved from a very ordinary position in life and became the governor and the ruler of the land of Egypt. It is a story that should teach us all that our lives are planned out, not by man but by God who is our Maker and that our dreams are capable of coming true, no matter how long they may seem to linger.

 

Unfortunately, we now live in a world that is being ripped apart by our inability to forgive, our constant need to find fault in others and our remarkable ability to hold grudges even over matters of little importance.  As a result, families are shattering, communities are being torn apart, nations are at war and peacemakers are being condemned .  Yet, as difficult as it was for Joseph, he found the strength from God to forgive his brothers who sold him. Forgiveness is not easy and doesn't come naturally, However, the strength to forgive can be attained because it comes from God.  We owe ourselves and our world the responsibility to build relationships and not destroy them, and to build others up rather than tearing them down just because we choose to harbor grudges over peace and forgiveness from which restoration comes.

OUR DIFFERENCES SHOULD NOT DIVIDE US. HELP SOMEONE! - BY PAUL INYANG

Paul Inyang, Odenton, MD 

Just the other day my good friend Dr. Ohiro wrote about love and our differences. It was a timely piece and insightful especially because it is about real life events. Stories like that grab us and leaves us thinking about our humanity. Differences are not so new to us but the human story behind such issues are the ones that remain with people. It got me to thinking about a summer job I once had. I took my long vacation down south—Charlotte North Carolina.

In my financial desperation I took on selling Tupperware. You have never been used until you do a job like this one. Your salary it totally dependent on commission for selling every piece in a set of dishes or house ware. The worse part is that you have to drive around strange neighborhoods, trying to sell unattractive products to equally uninterested and financially strapped “customers”. Worse yet, you have to generate your own leads. I want you to imagine a black foreigner with a thick accent trying to sell dishes and knives in a blue collar white neighborhood. There are other names for such neighborhoods but I will stay away from such references.  I happened to knocked on the door of an old lady and in a flash was face to face with a shot gun and someone shouting—“n…..g…r get off my damn porch”. My life flashed before me and I thought I would be blown to smithereens. You can imagine the race of the person I am referring to and juxtapose that with the notion of the South, white robes, burning crosses and the confederate flag. I know that I am bombarding some of you with images that you may not be familiar with but they are all symbols of hate. Believe it or not it made no difference to me, because I was a hungry and a motivated young man. I ran for the day but subsequently went back—foolishly in my naiveté. I simply did not know better. Perhaps if I did, I would not have done so.

History is for the books but what I found out much later, is that people live them and if one is fortunate enough to live through it, they do have a story to share. But ultimately, I made some friends in that neighborhood who were able to guide me to safety—though most of them could not afford to buy from me except for a few and a very special lady—the same one who pointed a gun at me. I believe, I was just a lucky guy or just fell into the category of the fool who by all accounts, as they they say, is taken care of by God.

The story is a much longer one because it did not happen overnight. People are not always who they appear to be until you are able to understand that there is always a story behind what you see. Yes, we are different and I must have appeared to be “something” to my lady friend but somehow we got past it. Hate has no place in our world and we have actually more in common than we care to admit. The problem is that we rarely take the time to encounter each other in meaningful ways. We may also not have the patience or the intuitive persistence to find out about each other and hear our different stories. You really do not know anyone until you can stop the noise in your head and listen to them tell you their true story. It may expose your vulnerability but it will make you human. Most of all, it will help you learn to love despite our differences. So be kind to others—especially those you may not know or understand. Help someone.

IT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY

Vanity now reigns in a world where love, humane values and generosity ought.   All forms of 

hatred are increasingly becoming the building blocks of a cottage industry that is reshaping a world that could otherwise do without social injustice, more hate, more malice and unimaginable levels bigotry.  Therefore we leave ourselves and posterity in a situation where those who consider pride, mistrust, hate and cruelty as virtues are increasingly the ones with the closest access to the loudest megaphones.  It wasn't supposed to be this way.

We have left behind a time when a person's word was his/her bond and people were recognized and respected for their humanity. Now we celebrate people for the sizes of their bank accounts and amount of material possessions that they have acquired, regardless of the manner in which they acquired the possessions.  Society now frequently judges the quality and stature of a man by his wealth rather than by the quality of his character.  People and institutions are afraid to rein in a
rich man for bad behavior while those that we perceive as poor have just about lost their right to be considered human. Consequently, advocates for the poor must now work harder than they ever did to ensure that the poor are fed and housed, and that the poor can maintain a hope that somehow, our world can regain a conscience and become a just world that includes them.   Unfortunately, the task of caring advocates for equality and justice is made even harder because even the poor and oppressed
now have among them very large contingents of bigoted and ignorant individuals  that are cheerleaders for their oppressors.  As a result, hateful bigotry, pride and cruelty has become prevalent at all levels of society, even among those who virtually live in houses of worship.  Truly, it wasn't supposed to be this way.

Through history, wars have been fought against bigotry. That was the reason for World War II, the American Civil War and America's involvement in Kosovo as recently as 1999.  Today, the hateful rhetoric constantly directed at Nigeria's new president, Buhari, by members of the party that he vanquished, the cruelly racist venom spewed daily at President Obama of the United States, the
inhumanity that is perpetrated by racist and oppressive police officers, the Islamic State (ISIS), Boko Haram, Al Qaeda, the Klu Klux Klan (KKK), Latin American drug lords and other terrorist groups around the world are such that one is left wondering when the world went off the rails and what hope there is for future generations.  Today, we have people all over the globe who wish that slavery never ended, people who would have our world apologize for rising against ethnic cleaning and authority figures who would rather that a big part of our population did not exist because they possess the "wrong" skin color, bear the "wrong" names, live on the "wrong" side of the tracks, practice the "wrong" religion and belong to the "wrong" political parties.



President Buhari of Nigeria

In today's politics, it is no longer sufficient or even necessary to debate ideas; people must now shout and beat down their opponents who they believe they must present as inferior and terrible human beings unworthy of respect. Society now honors those who can shout the loudest and rewards them with adoration, money and promotion.  Therefore, talk media hosts and their guests must shout at
one another to maintain high ratings, evangelical pastors must shout at their congregations through microphones to build up their prestige and fill their pews.  Regardless of race, class or culture, many men in today's world continue to perpetuate the old faulty thinking that they must shout down their female partners if they are to be considered qualified to lay claim to manhood.

As I see it, this is an increasingly unjust world replete with failed institutions and organizations, failed leaders and failed followers. Our world has lost its way and must begin a journey back to basics.  Everyday, we are digging for ourselves holes from which we must begin to climb out because it could become too late.  Perhaps we should long and work for a day when love, justice and truth take their rightful places in the community of mortals. I write this knowing that I may be asking too much.  But it is perhaps also because there is a part of me that believes in the inherent goodness of man. This is not to say that I think that man is by nature good and imperfect but that I believe that it is possible for man to possess, attain and display some measure of goodness because man, after all, was made in the image of a good Creator.