The Tangled Webs That We Weave

I have made many mistakes in my life and, I think some could have been potentially life-altering. In spite of my current station in life, I remember some of the mistakes that I have made but not even on the best days would I ever claim that I remember all.  It is possible (no, it is definitely the case) that I made some mistakes that I may never even know I made. Of the ones that I know, the mistakes do not define me, and that is only by God’s grace and not a consequence of my human ingenuity.

But how is it possible that I would make mistakes that I did not know of? Well, there are many ways that that could have happened but much of it comes down to the Machiavellian complex that is inherent in all human beings; the feeling that the end justifies the means.  Therefore, we do not always focus on our mistakes when our actions yield what others and we perceive as success. Instead, we tend to embrace and dwell on our successes and much less on the mistakes that we made along the way. Soon, those mistakes become very dim or inexistent in our memories, unless they were damaging to us in some way.

As I have thought about some mistaken or ill-advised actions in my life, I have wondered with humility and gratitude about the harmless outcomes because the story of my life could very well have been different. What if, for example, something bad happened to me as I walked home from wherever I had gone on numerous late nights in a small Nigerian town ... at times too late for me to have been out alone on dark backstreets....walking home… alone… and vowing never to do that again, but repeating the same action the next day…and vowing again that I would never do that…all the while weaving for myself a web in which I had so quickly become tangled?

What, really, was the wisdom in me riding motorcycles at high speed as a teenager, without a helmet, even if at the time there was no law requiring the use of a helmet while riding a motorcycle?  In neither of these instances did I violate any law. Yet, in each instance, I knew what was right but chose a course of action that, on the face of it, was fun-packed but, in reality, could have been potentially deadly.  

Does the fact that these were deliberate actions change the reference to them as mistakes? No, because a mistake is by its very nature and definition a misguided or wrong action or judgment.  Does the fact that I suffered no physical harm in any of those cases negate the fact that I unnecessarily placed myself in dangerous situations? I suppose not.

I think that, except for anyone who wishes to claim perfection, most of us have had times in our lives when we did things that, with the benefit of hindsight, we are not proud that we did.  But what is the difference between those who escape mistaken acts unharmed and those who do not? How is it that some of us can get in and out of potentially dangerous situations while others remain in such situations in perpetuity; stuck in repetitive cycles of misery from which they look at a world that stays dark to them?  Why do we make decisions and take actions that imprison us in our own minds? Why do we choose to make friends that are bad for us while we reject people that could potentially add value to our lives? Of what value is a friendship in which there is no exchange of happiness and contentment? Really...of what use is a romantic relationship whose only reward is pain?  I do not expect to find much disagreement in stating that such relationships are worthless, that they are webs in which we get entangled and from which it can be immensely hard to break away unless one sets his/her mind to that goal. We know this; yet, we are constantly creating webs that we get trapped in.

This is true for individuals, for groups, families and nations. As individuals or as nations, we often get ourselves into financially tight corners because we choose to spend more than our means, forgetting the age-old belief of our elders that rainy days aren’t always so far removed from sunny days.  We forget, after all, that it is the same bright blue sky that also holds the clouds that are the precursors of thunderstorms and sometimes cause severe damage. Therefore, countries become debtor-nations, unable to care for the needs of their citizens; and individuals become unable to afford even their most basic needs because hard times can be overwhelming in their tendency to be merciless.  Debtor-nations continue to weave webs that take the form of more international borrowing, more corruption in the ranks of the political so-called elites and people close to them. It is always just a matter of time before the entire nation, including the innocent citizens, get caught up in the tangled webs woven by their leaders. Also, some individuals already traveling down the path of financial ruin, who are unable to pay their bills, continue to buy expensive items or find enough money to give to their pastors who sell unproven and tainted messages of hope rather than pay their bills with the money.  In some cases, individuals already in financial trouble still find ways to finance expensive clothing to attend the next big party. By so doing, a web is woven and the cycles of the web continue to multiply. Then, in due course, their family members, including innocent children, get encumbered and swallowed up in the web that was woven.

We spend valuable money, energy and time on unproductive endeavors without seeming to have any plans to assess our performance, redirect our focus if necessary, or engage in activities that would place our lives on a clearer, more result-oriented and positive trajectory.

Often, those of us who attain measures of success become trapped by, and in our consciousness of our accomplishments and forget how fleeting life really is. So, the web gets woven, not by anyone else but by us; not because we don’t love ourselves but sometimes because we love ourselves so much that our pride gets in our way of seeing the most important things of life. Therefore, we weave webs made up of material and other things that satisfy our bodies but diminish the value of our souls, not thinking that there could be an unpleasant price to pay when the satisfaction wears out. Even when we realize where we are and know that we need to step out of the webs that we have woven, our pride stops us because we wonder what others might think or say about us.  So we remain entangled. Sometimes we weave and remain entangled in our webs because we do not think hard enough. Instead, we suspend our thinking abilities or hand them over to other people who have convinced us that they know better than we know or have the power to save us from our imperfections because they are connected to a supernatural source.

Here is what I think: we often cannot get out of the webs that we create, largely because we were not supposed to create them in the first place.  I also think that, for as long as we are human, for so long will the tendency and opportunities exist to weave new webs. Getting entangled in those webs is the challenge to avoid.

Nigeria: Bent, Broken, And Still Home

I have just recently returned from a trip to Nigeria, the country of my birth….my homeland. Certainly, the famous Nigerian poet, John Pepper Clark, might well have been writing about the entire country when, in his poem about Africa’s third largest city, he described Ibadan as a “running splash of rust and gold flung and scattered among seven hills like broken China in the sun”. 

You see, I took a trip with my son to Nigeria a few years ago and we spent a few days in Ghana on our way to Nigeria where I was scheduled to present an academic paper at a conference occurring at the University of Port Harcourt.  The year prior, my daughter had visited Nigeria and Ghana and had returned home with incredible experiences from her time both in Nigeria where she spent 2 weeks staying and volunteering in an orphanage and in an elementary school in Ghana where she also volunteered as a teacher for 2 weeks. She again joined her mother and me for a few days on this recent trip to Nigeria.  My children have a love for Nigeria…indeed for Africa.

That was my son’s first trip to Africa as an adult and there are not sufficient words to describe the time that we had, nor are there enough words to describe the time that my wife, my daughter and I had during my most recent trip to Nigeria.

Back to my trip with my son a few years ago: He requested that we travel by road in Nigeria because, although it was a business trip for me, it was a heritage trip for him.  Therefore, for 2 days, starting from Lagos, we travelled just over 17 hours down the southeastern coast of Nigeria, stopping in multiple towns along the way.  In the process, we acquired experiences that I would not trade for a substitute. 

I did not bargain for what the trip would do for me, nor will I ever forget what it did.  Finding myself in a position to see Nigeria through the very objective eyes of my son, I realized for the first time in my life that my views about the country had always been based on a subjective premise...  But why not? After all, I was born and raised there.  That trip, however, put me in a position to see the blessings and contrasts of the country in full view. Just watching the women dart across the hectic, traffic-laden streets of Lagos carrying heavy items on their heads and children in tow that they would walk to school before going to sell their wares, seeing women selling food items on the roadside as we traveled -begging us to buy what they were selling to enable them feed their families... seeing school age children begging for alms in the streets of oil-rich Port Harcourt on a school day; seeing lazy police officers asking for and collecting bribes from travelers; and…from seeing the dark streets and homes across the country to seeing the bright lights of skyscrapers whenever there was electricity; from seeing the muddy rugged streets and highways unbefitting a giant nation like Nigeria to seeing the beautiful corn fields and greenery of the countryside landscapes....the beauty and ruggedness of Nigeria was on display. Flying back to Lagos from Port Harcourt, it was impossible not to behold in amazement the beautiful, clear skies that God placed over the parts of Nigeria that the plane flew over. 

That trip provided me a once in a lifetime opportunity not just to be alone with my adult son for an extended period, by which I actually mean a week, (a rarity in this “modern” world where we are both high-flying professionals), but also because it allowed me to see Nigeria through objective lens.  Of course, the signs of corruption and government inefficiency were everywhere, but there was much to admire in the spirits of the Nigerian people and the country’s blessings in the form of natural resources - all unfortunately taken for granted. The green leaves and grassland reminded me of the existence of life even in the face of trials and hardships such as now face millions of Nigerians.  The smiles and polite attitudes of so many were a good reminder of the goodness inherent in a Nigerian people who may well be described as a people as warm as the weather to which they are accustomed.  Although, by any sincere standards, the quality of some of the conference presentations was a stunning revelation of how far south the educational system had traveled from the high quality standards that I remembered…..well...that is another story for another time. 

Back to my recent trip. I am unable to recall any time when Lagos was as beautiful as I found it to be during this visit.  Driving through parts of Lagos at night felt sometimes as though one was driving through the streets of a Western country.  To be sure, I am not one who believes that Western countries are the gold standard for all things good.  However, I am also aware and sincere enough to acknowledge that, except for a few exceptions, African countries and cities are generally not good examples of organized systems – and that is putting it mildly…..and generously.  So, if the discussion is about aesthetics, structure and system efficiency, it would be delusional to suggest that African countries generally measure up.  They do not.

Having said that, I am aware that the beauty of Lagos should not be considered by me or anyone else as a reflection of the entire country.  I know of homes, schools, healthcare facilities, roads and other structures that exist in overwhelming states of disrepair across the country.  The consequences of such states of existence are often unquantifiable because suffering has no representation on any scale of measurement. 

So, I am not one who believes that the physical beauty of inanimate structures is an accurate measure of the quality of life of animate beings.  To that extent, the beauty of Lagos is by no means representative of the quality of life of most of the over 100 million people who live in Nigeria.  Lagos is very wealthy, beautiful and full of people – an educated class – blessed with the ability, courage and presence of mind to consistently elect dedicated leaders, each with a knack for service and commitment to the people and state that they govern.  While Lagos is developing impressively and shining as Nigeria’s “golden state”, much (though, perhaps those who know better than I would say all) of the rest of Nigeria wallow in rust created and maintained by their political leadership; leadership that is created, emboldened and sustained by weak, dishonest and short-sighted voters who only care about their own stomachs at the outset but then complain ceaselessly after getting ditched by the governments that they installed with their votes.

Nigeria may not be impeccable, but no country is.  Nigerians have a tendency to emphasize the country’s rust while ignoring the potential gold that also lies within the country.  Nigeria may be comparable to a wreck but in that wreck live many people with beautiful souls, children too innocent to deserve to be victims of the cruel machinations of the adult leaders who caused the wreckage in which those children must live and grow up.  

We need a better Nigeria.  Africa needs that; the world needs that.  However, for Nigeria to move to a better place among the world’s best nations to live in, Nigerians must do the work of transforming rust into mostly gold.  That process would have to start with the transformation of Nigerian hearts and minds. For that to occur, more Nigerians than not must accept that most of Nigeria’s problems were created by Nigerians and must be solved by Nigerians who are willing and able to look inward for potential solutions.  Also, Nigerians must shun the tribalistic urge that often sends them into defensive postures on behalf of the thieves that suck their country dry.  Nigerians must be willing to report the thieves among them for prosecution by legal authorities.  Unfortunately, legal authorities in Nigeria, as in much or all of Africa, require extensive sanitization due to their role in fostering corruption and other crimes.  Yet, those authorities are needed to do the work that is expected of them if Nigeria is to be truly transformed. Nigeria’s problems can only be solved by Nigerians. The fields are green, the tools are all around us ready to be picked up and it is time for all Nigerians to begin to perceive of themselves as the laborers who must pick up those tools and embrace the call to refine themselves and transform their country.  The power to change our native land is in our hands, and so is the responsibility to use that power.  To the extent that that responsibility is ours, it is we who must change.  Nigeria cannot change without her sons and daughters.  We are the ones who must change ourselves and recognize that a country does not exist without its people.  To that extent, a country cannot change itself, let alone one with systems as damaged as Nigeria has; one with so many unwilling, unpatriotic and negatively enabling citizens.  For Nigeria to change, its citizens must change. This is how I see it.