A Tie That Binds

I had lived my entire life without any major health concern but I never considered myself invincible.  I considered myself fortunate because I was, and remain, very conscious of my humanity, with all of the attendant frailties. Also, I have been around long enough to know that being human is a tie that binds. That tie binds me with so many that have died, including those who died young during the period since I have been alive.  One of those is my mother who died at age 36.  I consider every breath that I take and every wakeful moment in my life to be a significant blessing, since none of that happens because of me. Even that has taken on new (and perhaps urgent) significance for me as I have aged.  I do my best to approach each day knowing that every one of those days takes me closer to the end of my journey in this beautiful world.  More than ever, I find myself more comfortable now with knowing that the the day will come when I will no longer be counted among the living.  I must confess that I do not like that reality but it is one (possibly the only) area of life in which the embrace of helplessness is healthy.

Despite the careful manner in which I have generally attempted to live my life, I am not longer immune from the kinds of health challenges that most of us will confront at some point during our lives.  It was exactly a year ago that fate brought me in contact with the major health experience that I had never imagined and did not expect.  I did not dread the diagnosis, nor did I dread the treatment options that I was offered.  In retrospect, that was only due to multiple reasons, among which were the following:  First, I had a fair amount of time to prepare for the treatment because, for several months during which medical tests were performed for determination purposes, my doctors carried me along by sharing with me every piece of information about their findings and listening to my questions and treatment preferences.  Second, I am blessed to live in a country with superb medical facilities and physician acumen.  Third, I had very significant support from the areas of my life where it really mattered. 

Then came exactly a year ago and I had to walk alone in and out of a major surgical procedure for this medical condition with which, just like many men around the world, I had become afflicted.  For someone who had never spent a day on admission in any hospital and had never had a surgical procedure performed on him, this was a very significant challenge but not for reasons that I or anyone could have anticipated. The seriousness of the surgery notwithstanding, such procedures are now routine; thanks to the incredible medical advances from which we benefit in the United States.  However, the initial post-surgery period produced experiences that were uncertain, confusing, fearful at times, humbling and fraught with powerlessness and gratitude as I realized how potentially close I got to that life-state that had previously been unthinkable and for which I could not truly say I was prepared.

Most people who know me well will find out about this experience for the first time, as they read this or hear this episode of my podcast.  That is because it was never in my plans to discuss this experience. It is also the case that, until now, I have discussed this health experience with only very few people for obvious reasons.  Many other people will consider it shocking that I would be so open in this forum because I am generally a very private person.  Well, there are reasons why I had not spoken or written about this previously and why I am doing so now.  One, I did not want anyone to feel sorry for me rather than focusing on the miracle of my recovery and the lessons to be learned from the experience.  Second, I wanted to spend time in the mental and spiritual zones to which this experience had transported me without losing sight of the significance of silence and the potential distractions of noise.

Now, I have chosen to write and speak about this publicly for the following reasons: First, having been blessed with the opportunity of communication platforms such as I have, I realize that I have a responsibility to encourage all men to pay strict attention to all issues relating to men’s health.  This means having a primary physician, recognizing those health challenges to which men are prone, undergoing all medical evaluations when due, and complying with all medical recommendations when prescribed.  Second, it is time for men and women to clear out of their minds the traditional myths about what causes specific illnesses and learn the true causes and treatment of whatever symptoms they may be experiencing at any given time.  Third, people are dying in large numbers in developing countries because of poor access to good medical care.  All of us who have the means and influence to effect some improvement in healthcare in such societies, even at the most basic levels, should actively do so.  Fourth, all men who have experienced any form of illness that strikes men should speak and teach about their experiences.  Women should also learn and be ready to speak and teach openly about their own health experiences.  By so doing, we can save one another’s lives. Finally, men who think that they cannot suffer from major illness are inadvertently digging their own graves because we are all susceptible to illness.  Being in denial of any symptoms only speeds up the process of dying. 

It has not been my desire to present this health challenge that I experienced as more serious than it actually was because I know that it could have been much worse.  Yet, I am conscious of the fact that one never really knows how another experiences periods of loneliness, helplessness and pain.  Everyday, I think about the very supportive people in my life who carried me through that period which, thanks to great medical care and support, was very brief but also very significant.  Often, I wish there were stronger words of appreciation than “thank you” but I also know that some ways that I can show my gratitude are to always remember to live in daily recognition that I was not responsible for my own recovery and to do my part in lightening humanity’s burden until the bell tolls for me.